Passports and Paradigm Shifts

I had a shocking and somewhat disappointing realization this week.  In the process of applying for Victoria's first passport, Patrick and I checked ours and discovered it was time to renew.  Since being issued nearly 10 years ago, Patrick has traveled to Venezuela, Honduras, Guatemala, Peru, Brazil and Columbia.  Me?  My passport was empty.  Not one entry.  I realized I haven't been out of the country since our trip to South Africa before Victoria was born.

Patrick and the two oldest kids have had the privilege of serving in those previously mentioned countries.  During those years, the younger girls were small, and it felt completely overwhelming to even consider arranging the schedule for me to leave the country.  It just seemed logical for Patrick to go and for me to stay.

Over the years there would be moments when I'd sulk over feeling like Cinderella while Patrick and the older kids were off having a ball.  But for the most part, I felt like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.  After all these years, it's almost become a given that Patrick will go and I will hold down the fort.  But this week, after mailing off Victoria's passport application, I realized there's been a paradigm shift.  Victoria, my baby, is going overseas.  My big kids are staying home...and they don't need me with them!  I'm free to go.

I'm not sure what this new found freedom means...maybe I SHOULD think about going to Haiti with the team this summer.   Who knows?    In any case, I have realized I've just entered a new stage in life...one in which my kids need my physical presence less, and I'm now free to get that passport stamped.

I'll be sending that old, unused passport in soon. Trading it in for a brand spankin' new one.  My goal for the next ten years is at least two stamps...one from Haiti.  I want to see this country that has imprinted itself so massively on Kevin's heart.  The second stamp I'm hoping for...England.  I have a dear friend moving there...and she's going to need to show me the lay of the land.

Congrats to the Showmanship Champion

Hannah had her final show in the 4-H Satilla Winter Circuit. Going into this show she was tied for first place in Showmanship.   You'll have to ignore the stinky videography.  I get caught up watching and forget I'm supposed to be paying attention to the Flip screen.

She and Lacey had a great pattern, and she emerged ONE point above her competitor.  Here are the results!

She is also the Halter Reserve Champion (2nd Place) which is terrific considering she only showed one horse.  The Champion actually showed more than one horse, thereby accumulating more points and not necessarily placing higher than Lacey and Hannah in the classes.  At this particular show, Hannah and Lacey did place first under both judges in the Mare Class and in the Championship Class against mares and geldings.  Thank you to Ms. Wendy for letting Hannah show your beautiful mare.  Those two have come a long way together!

 Hannah displaying her winnings with her riding instructors, Ms. Wendy and the amazing Erin.  

Erin is the Showmanship pro, so all kudos go to her.

While winning chairs and cash is nice, an almost sweeter victory came later in the day during the riding classes.  Hannah and Ginger had their best day ever, with Ginger making it through both western classes and both English classes.

Generally it's not a good thing when the judge walks over to talk to you before the results are announced.  It usually means something like this:  You did this and that really well, but because of the other thing, I was left with no choice but to place you last.  And, that would stand true for Hannah's Western Horsemanship ride.  Judge B told her she rode the pattern well, but the rail work killed her - and he placed her dead last.  Apparently the other judge didn't weigh the rail work as heavily since he placed her third..

Historically, Ginger has gotten more nervous and become unrideable (I think I just made up that word) as the shows progress.  To Hannah's credit, she and Ginger made it to the English classes and even placed a respectable 3rd and 4th in the English Equitation class.

Feeling Like Anne

Anne Shirley: Can't you even imagine you're in the depths of despair?  

 It seems only Anne Shirley can appreciate what the Eades family is experiencing right now.  For over fourteen years we have had a Saturday tradition.  Pretty much the entire community knows about our weekly outing; and if anyone ever wants to find us, they know exactly where we can be located: eating muffins, bacon and cheese biscuits and drinking some of the best sweet tea ever to grace our lips. Yes...you know what I'm talking about...Saturday morning breakfast at Sweet Mama's.

It started off innocently...long before Hannah was born.  Patrick took us one Saturday to give me, probably pregnant and exhausted, a break on Saturday morning.  Back in those days, pork pops (the food of the gods) were a quarter, muffins about a dollar and a five dollar bill nearly covered breakfast for four.  How could we not keep going back?  It gave Mom a day of rest and Patrick some bacon.   


Hannah was born and---I'm not making this up---breakfast at Sweet Mama's was her first outing.  It's true.  My other kids first outing was to church, but Hannah's was our Saturday morning tradition.


Then we started homeschooling the kids, and it seemed even more imperative that Mom get a break on Saturday morning.  Occasionally people would act shocked that we ate out every Saturday, without fail.  I think Patrick has always considered it an investment in our family, knowing life just runs more smoothly when Mom is sane.

Several years went by before I knew this Saturday morning trip to Sweet Mama's was serious business, not to be tampered with.  One week when the kids were quite small and Patrick was out of town, I just couldn't bring myself to drag all four kids (Victoria was probably a baby) out for breakfast by myself.  Just seemed easier to stay at home and feed them cold cereal or something.  But all I heard, all day long was "it just doesn't seem like Saturday.  What day is it?  It doesn't FEEL like a Saturday".  All that whining just because they didn't get their weekly dose of pork pops.

As the kids kids grew up, their palates expanded and bacon and cheese biscuits became the order of the day.  And sticky buns.  And cheese danishes.  But don't forget the honey-nut bran muffin for Mom.  Or a doughnut with sprinkles. Or maybe some sausage gravy over biscuits.  Or a Wainright (a piece of sausage and a pickle between a pork pop that's been cut in half).  Or, our most recent discovery...sausage gravy over pork pops.  Now were talking!

I'm really not kidding about this...Sweet Mama's is ingrained in the Eades' culture, and I'm not sure sure what we're going to do come Saturday morning.   You see...they closed their doors a few days ago.  Suddenly...rudely.  It's just gone.  

Sweet Mama's was the St. Simons version of Cheers, where everybody knows your name.  Not only did they know our name...they knew our order before we even gave it.  They'd start preparing our drinks (decaf with 2% for me) before we even placed our order.  But no more...sadly our tradition has come to an end.  I suppose we'll visit other restaurants and maybe they will let us linger and read the Saturday paper over one more drink refill, but nothing will ever take the place of Sweet Mama's.

So...we're left feeling like Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables.   In regard to our Saturday tradition, 

This is the most tragical thing that has ever happened to me.

--Anne of Green Gables

What Language Are You Speaking?

Sometimes in the midst of wearing my laundress hat, teacher hat, mom hat, wife hat or any one of my other millinery options, I forget which language I need to be speaking; or as I recently found out, don't even know which language is most appropriate for the situation.  No, I haven't become bilingual and disoriented.  It's not Spanish or French to which I refer.

The kids recently resurrected the discussion of "The Five Love Languages".  As a matter of fact, a couple of them had been to the website and taken the assessment.  As you might imagine, an animated discussion ensued, and I was left a little dejected.  I realized that I had been blowing it with a certain child...really, seriously not speaking the right language AT ALL! 

Patrick and I can joke about them as we've discussed the love languages plenty over the years.  We laugh because we are so opposite.  If one of the languages is at the top of his list, it's at the bottom of mine and vise versa.  It makes for comical moments.  For Patrick, Acts of Service communicates love and affection to him.  So when he rattles off a list of things he's accomplished for me...a to-do list I didn't even know needed to be done...I can know that he did those things because he loves me.  And I, in turn, can smile and thank him profusely because I know it's his language (instead of doing what comes natural to me...staring blankly and wondering why I would care if my van tires were rotated and transmission system flushed out).

You can laugh it us, but this used to be a big deal in our marriage.  This is the honest to goodness truth---early in our marriage, Patrick would vacuum the house.  I don't mean zipping the machine through the middle of the room.  I mean moving furniture, dusting off baseboards and really going to town with the vacuum cleaner.  I would get defensive and moody (okay, downright pouty)  because I was hearing "you don't keep the house as clean as I would like it, so I'll just do it myself."   In reality, he was just speaking the love language that comes most naturally to him...and assumed I was listening in the same language he was speaking.

Needless to say, Patrick and I have come a long way, but I've realized I need to figure out a way to speak to the kids in their primary love language.  I confess, it feels a little overwhelming to think about keeping it all straight with four kids...like maybe I need a flow chart or a giant reminder on the refrigerator.  But thinking about how being in tune with the kids' love languages would pay huge dividends makes it worth the effort.  Maybe I can give a follow up post on my success and/or failure in this area.

If you are unfamiliar with love languages, check out the book by Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages and The Five Love Languages of Children.

What about you and your spouse?  Do you speak the same language?  Or at least recognize that you don't speak the same language and make an effort to translate?

And the Winner Is...

 Woo hoo...Hannah and Lacey!  Lacey and Hannah have won several first place ribbons in the halter class against other mares, but yesterday she won the championship class...beating all the girls AND the boys.  Here are Patrick and Hannah showing off her winnings: a new lead rope, a bucket and some horse grooming supplies.

Hannah and Ginger- it may well have been their final show together.  It was another rough performance, but Hannah looked good trying to ride the Little Red Mare. (Note the sparkly teal shirt and matching show pad on Ginger)

In fact, Ginger and Hannah were having such a rough time, the trainers took her off Ginger and had her ride Lacey for her final riding class.  Yep, after combing catalogs and websites for a show pad that would match Hannah's teal and black shirt...here she is completely clashing with Lacey's lime green pad. Painful for the costume mom in me...but after seeing Hannah nearly take a spill on the very nervous Ginger in the show last week, I was happy to see her safe and sound on Lacey...clashing or not.

No matter who she's riding, Hannah rolls with the punches.  

 Let's hear it for #314!

After the show, it was on to the Father Daughter Ball.

Yes, it's the obligatory photo of one of the girls licking the ice sculpture.

Such loving sisters - always!

Happy Valentine's Day, Patrick.  Okay, so maybe we weren't nineteen and twenty-one, but I think non-profit work for nearly twenty years definitely qualifies us for "dancing in the minefield". 

'Cause the only way to find your life
Is to lay your own life down
And I believe it's an easy price
For the life that we have found

I wouldn't trade our life together for anything.  Thank you for loving me, caring for me and the many ways you lay your own life down for the kids and me.

That's Why I Married Him

"A happy marriage has in it all the pleasures of friendships, all the enjoyment of sense and reason - and indeed all the sweets of life. - Joseph Addison

After more than twenty years, my husband still amazes me.  He loves people...really and truly loves people.  In his line of work, he's always giving and pouring himself out.  And honestly, it wears me out to watch it.  Seriously, sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me, and I ask myself, "How can I be that hard-hearted...or plain selfish?"

Just yesterday it happened again.  We rolled out of bed early, early Saturday morning to be on the road to Savannah by 7am.  While he met with the board of directors at a pregnancy center there, Hannah, Victoria and I took care of some shopping that can only be done in Savannah or Jax.  After a whirlwind shopping adventure, we picked Patrick up and headed home...or so I thought.  He suggested a couple more stops and on the way home I half-heartedly mentioned that we could still squeeze in a workout at the Y.  He was up for it.  I resigned myself to it.

Then on the way home from the Y, a stop at Target AND the office, a thought popped into my head.  "We really need to call so-and-so to check on her."  Patrick hopped right on the idea and suggested I call and ask her to go to dinner.  Ummm...I was pretty tired by that point and quickly put the breaks on that thought.  It had been a long day right.  I had nothing left to give out, right?

We arrived home and guilt got the better of me.  I conceded we should call her (it was already 6pm) and see if she wanted to "do dinner".  Patrick wasted no time, called and caught her in the middle of carrying a bowl of soup to the table. Of course the soup could be refrigerated and yes, she'd love to join us.  I groaned but told myself I could rally.

Turns out, this dear friend had been feeling low.  Yesterday was the 2 month anniversary of her husband's death, and she had spend 2 days working through paperwork and really had wanted to get out of the house.  She'd made several attempts to arrange dinner plans to no avail.  She had resigned herself to dinner alone when Patrick called.  My husband's invite was balm to her soul.

I sat there at dinner thoroughly ashamed of myself ---ashamed that I'd almost deprived this precious lady of much needed fellowship, and ashamed that I sometimes get irritated with Patrick's go-get em attitude.

Thankfully someone in this marriage is endowed with sense and reason...and a heart that keeps on giving.  I don't know where I'd be without him.

How 'bout you?  What's something about your spouse that sometimes irritates you, but really is a gift to your marriage?